I respond to spam.

| 17 Comments

As with any blog, I get a large amount of spam sent in the form of comments to the blog. They’re usually something like, “You have the best blog I have ever read! What a fantastic writer you are! Sincerely, Outlet Dungarees 4 You.com.”

Here are some recent spam comments I have gotten. I decided to take some time to write back.

From Louis Vuitton Handbags: “What i don’t realize is in reality how you are now not actually much more smartly-preferred than you may be right now. You’re so intelligent. You already know thus considerably relating to this topic, produced me individually imagine it from numerous varied angles. Its like women and men don’t seem to be involved except it is one thing to accomplish with Lady gaga! Your own stuffs excellent. All the time handle it up!”

I know, right, Louis Vuitton Handbags?! Why am I not more smartly preferred because of men and women accomplishing with Lady Gaga?! Well, whatever. I’ll handle it up.

From Burberry Scarf Outlet: “You’ve the liberty of knowing that you’re putting on sun glasses which will protect your eyes from the dangerous rays the sunlight produces, keeping your eye balls healthier while helping you to squint less. Squinting may also cause wrinkles – particularly when combined with the sun damage. In today’s world squinting and wrinkles clearly don’t come across as attractive! Rather you will most probably come across as ugly and somebody who possibly doesn’t really take care of their body that much.”

Uh, fuck you very much for your opinion, Burberry Scarf Outlet. And by the way, that’s an awful lot of sunglasses talk for a scarf store. OH SNAP. Yes I did! Now who’s an uncaring ugly squinter? Still me? Oh.

From Fuck Mother: “Hello, Neat post. There’s an issue together with your site in web explorer, may test this? IE still is the marketplace chief and a large part of folks will pass over your fantastic writing due to this problem.”

See? Now why can’t I get more commenters like Fuck Mother? You could teach Burberry Scarf Outlet a thing or two about manners.

From Jordans Outlet: “An impressive share, I just given this onto a colleague who was performing a little analysis on this. And he the truth is purchased me breakfast due to the fact I found it for him.. smile. So let me reword that: Thnx for the treat! But yeah Thnkx for spending the time to discuss this, I really feel strongly about it and adore reading far more on this topic. If probable, as you turn into expertise, would you mind updating your blog with even more details? It is actually highly useful for me. Large thumb up for this blog post!”

I can only assume, Jordan’s Outlet, that your colleague performed analysis on the post I wrote about dogs eating cat shit. I have no idea what answers my blog could have given him on the matter. Maybe he has been having the same problem with his Pekingese, and when he saw the litter box table my husband built he had a “Eureka” moment which led to him buying you a breakfast burrito. You’re welcome.

From Forex Peace Army: “Felix Homogratus, Dimitri Chavkerov Rules! You pay us we post good about us!!”

*sigh* Hey, Dimitri and Felix. Nice to hear from you…again. Listen, I am going to try to explain one more time that this new business plan of yours has not been well thought out. Commenting on blogs, telling them you’re awesome and that they should pay you — ok. So far this is pretty standard. But the part where you tell people to pay you to post good things about yourself…there’s the disconnect, Dimitri and Felix. That’s where we have our problem. I just don’t see what’s in it for me, you understand?

Well, anyway. Good luck and all that.

Gucci Handbags: “The machines will not operate properly.Your hand feels cold.I just made it!The ice is hard enough to skate on.May I use your pen? I won’t be able to see him today.I won’t be able to see him today.Hold on.All for one.”

Hey Gucci Handbags, what…THE FUCK…are you talking about? Honestly, I feel like I need to call someone for you. Does another handbag live in the same building? Are there any other accessories in the neighborhood that you’d feel comfortable contacting? I’m concerned.

 

Author: admin

Meredith likes to write the funny at her blog, Pile of Babies (http://www.pileofbabies.com).

17 Comments

  1. OH MY GOSH!!!!!!!!! HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :) Jake thinks I am laughing at the funny parts of “Littlest Petshop” when in fact I am dying about what you wrote!!! You are too much!!!!

  2. seriously, those spam comments are sometimes the highlight of my day. i’ll wait til i get like 10 or 12 backed up and then laugh almost as hard as i did when i read your post on your dog and his high protein love of cat shit…*ahem* while a co-worker tried to force upon me a drop of cough due to the hilarity and right nowitis of your posting, i feel your iec address is so close to what now right is happening on blog world i can’t tell you (non spammy- you’re so funny i had to pop a cough drop from laughing too hard ;)
    Shannon recently posted..Five Means AliveMy Profile

  3. Large thumb up for this blog post!

  4. See, that’s where I’m going wrong as A blogger…I’m just bulk deleting spam whereas I could be writing about them! Thanks for the chuckle (yeah, I’m an old man).
    Tahlia B. recently posted..BIC Soleil Bright Beginnings SweepstakesMy Profile

  5. perhaps it’s my b.a. in creative writing (hello, useful college major), but the gucci handbag seemed more like a poem to me… Add some poetic spacing, and viola!

    The machines will not operate properly. Your hand feels cold.
    I just made it!
    The ice is hard enough to skate on.
    May I use your pen?
    I won’t be able to see him today.
    I won’t be able to see him today.
    Hold on.

    All for one.

    I think it’s lovely…this may be due to the fact that I’m on day 5 of this fever/cough thing that I’ve just been throwing dayquil and nightquil at. So I’m probably just feverish and high on dayquil, but I think it’s a nice poem. I want to give it to high school students to analyze.

    -Elayna
    Elayna recently posted..End of the World?My Profile

  6. Your response to Gucci Handbag literally made me spit wine out of my nose. Now I have wasted the wine and stained the couch. I blame Gucci.

  7. As a fellow blog owner I can completely relate to the dumb spam we get! Your responses to the spam are priceless! Especially poor, confused Gucci. Thanks for the laugh!

  8. Not sure if there are any Battlestar Galactica fans here, but I love the ones that sound like the Hybrid.

    Also, squinting is dead sexy.

  9. These are so funny, and I like the way Elayna made one into a poem (hurray for cold medications!). These smack of auto-translations, the scourge of the global economy. At least they’re entertaining!

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