Mike, my amazing husband, surprised me by repainting our guest room/office last week. I was going to start working on it once the kids started school and planned on finishing somewhere around retirement, so I was beyond thrilled that he did it for me. Yup — he just did it. Out of nowhere. I’ve got myself a keeper.
I was so excited that the room no longer looked like a death cave that I went out and bought new curtains and new bedding. After I brought them home, Mike pulled the curtains out of their package and was about to hang them on the curtain rod when he said,
Mike: “Oh no. Did you pull a Meredith?”
Me: “A what now?”
Mike: “Wait, never mind. There’s a rod pocket. Ha. Rod pocket.”
Me: “Did you think I’d bought curtains that didn’t have a place to put a rod?”
Meredith: “So is ‘pulling a Meredith’ the new standard of stupid in this house? Because I occasionally forget a few details when making purchases?”
Me: “Well, I am offended. That just doesn’t seem fair. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go return this Bed In A Bag to Target that doesn’t have any sheets in it.”
Mike: “Dammit, Meredith.”
Me: “Look at the size of this thing! How could they not include sheets? Who wants a blanket and some pillow cases but no sheets?”
Mike: “Just go.”
He has a point, though. I tend to assume that things are going to be simple, straightforward choices, until the salesperson asks me something like, “Now, did you want that in the five inch or ten inch version? And did you want it blunted or sharp?” That’s when I panic and say, “oh, five inches and blunt!” like I know what I’m talking about, only to bring whatever it is home and have Mike shake his head at me sadly. Like I’m supposed to know that there are a million different kinds of IPA beers. Or that when you go to buy “a binder” there are approximately 3000 different varieties of binders and binder features.
Speaking of which, I should get my kid’s school supply lists tomorrow. It is going to be a nightmare, I guarantee it. “I couldn’t find that exact brand of pen at Target and since I am way too tired to visit multiple stores looking for a specific pen, this is what you get. Tell your friends you’re different because you’re special. Now scoot.”