If I Only Had A Gun…A song for Ben Carson

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Lately, Republican presidential candidate Ben Carson has been talking a lot about guns. Last week he said to CNN: “The likelihood of Hitler being able to accomplish his goals would have been greatly diminished if the people had been armed.”

If only the Jews had been armed, they could have prevented the Holocaust.  It also would have helped if they’d been country Jews with semi-automatics, or if they’d all rushed the Nazis at once.

There are a lot of problems that could be solved if we all had guns. And that’s why I’ve written this song, sung to the tune of “If I Only Had a Brain,” from the movie The Wizard of Oz.

If I Only Had A Gun

I could be a superhero

Abolish the world’s sorrows

End fear and cause some pain
All my enemies would panic
Wouldn’t have to sit in traffic
If I only had a gun

Stop the neighbor’s dog from barkin’
The Witnesses from knockin’ 
Board first on the airplane 

I would get a car that’s bitchin’ 
I could get my kids to listen 
If I only had a gun

Oh, I can’t tell you why
So many people die
But I’ll be on the watch for the bad guys

I would finally be respected
With an AK that’s expected
Keep heads of those I’ve slain
I would stop all crime but mine 
All my meetings would end on time
If I only had a gun

Author: admin

Meredith likes to write the funny at her blog, Pile of Babies (http://www.pileofbabies.com).

One Comment

  1. I applaud your song-writing skills but wouldn’t be surprised if Ben Carson read this, he adopted it as his campaign song- entirely missing the satire, just as some Onion articles have been reported as real….

    Let’s keep writing on this issue- too important not to!

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