I have made fun of my mom a few times in this blog. I have, for example, compared her to a doomsday-ready Bassett Hound. But I do so out of love, for my mother is the grooviest there is. She just left after staying with me in Seattle for four days, and I was reminded of all the reasons I love her. I’d like to share some of those with you now.
1. The first night she was here, my mother and I discussed growing old and 9/11, and she had me take an online test to make sure that my memory problems weren’t early-onset Alzheimers.
2. She swears like a sailor, but what with a level of venom that you don’t typically see from a seventy-year-old . OH, THE VENOM.
3. As a mother of twins herself (that’s me and my sister,) she is able to understand my struggles parenting my twins. She mostly shows that by laughing so hard that she can barely breathe when my children start “misbehaving” (i.e. acting like total assholes.) That doesn’t sound like it would be comforting, but it really is.
4. She gets my kids and doesn’t take anything personally. When they start screaming that they don’t want Grandma to look at them (yes, really) she just says, “That’s cool. I’ll be over here reading my Kindle with its enlarged font.”
5. I can and do talk to her about everything. In fact, I am shocked our relationship hasn’t been used as a scenario in one of those Chris Hanson “What Would You Do” episodes. “A woman and her mother, who are seated at the table next to you, start discussing bowel movements and bestiality. What would you do?”
6. There is no one more supportive and understanding. Except, perhaps, for Mrs. Jumbo, Dumbo’s mother, who will be sworn in as my new mother should my current mother choose to abdicate her position.
7. Despite the horrible, hideous child I was, she: a) never smothered me in my sleep, and b) still loves me. That, my friends, is a forgiving woman.
8. She knows everything, or has least heard of it but can’t remember the name right now.
Thanks, Mom! Sorry the kids didn’t let you see the end of Monster’s University. Someday, I will cut the cable just before the dramatic finale of Fairies and Luke Skywalker Visit Disneyland, and I shall do so in your name.
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