Just your regular pillow talk / Slipper awesomeness

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My husband Mike and I have some pretty fantastic conversations. We had a particularly special one as we were going to sleep the other night that I’d like to share with you. Just a warning, this conversation is almost entirely about animal penises. So, if you’re not into that…well that’s actually a really great thing about you. But if you have issues with the word “penis,” I’d skip this one. It is LOADED with penis. Penis penis penis. Can’t swing a penis without hitting a penis.

*************

Mike: “Did you know that there are 500,000 different types of beetles?”

Me: “How do they know they haven’t counted some of them twice? Or that they counted a male and female of the same species as two different species. Actually, how do you tell the difference between a male and a female beetle?”

Mike: “I don’t know.”

Me: “Do beetles have penises? Holy crap, Mike, how is this something I don’t know at 36-years-old? Isn’t this the kind of thing I should know?”

Mike: “Uh…”

Me: “Do they do that thing where the female lays the eggs and then the male comes over and does his thing to the eggs?”

Mike: “I think that’s just fish.”

Me: “Huh. What about sharks? Do sharks mate? They have to, right? But have you ever seen a shark penis? I sure haven’t.”

Mike: “Do they have penises?”

Me: (pulling out iPhone) “Okay, that’s it. Now I’m going to have to Google this. Do…sharks…have..penises.” (pause) “Good god. TWO. They have TWO penises! They’re called ‘claspers.’ Yeesh.”

Mike: “OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD. Meredith. Google ‘Spiny Echidna penis.’”

Me: “No.”

Mike: “Yes.”

Me: “Okay.”

(Googles)

Me: “…’The World’s Most Terrifying Penises?’”

Mike: “YEAH!”

Me: “No. I am not watching a video about terrifying penises. You know what would be funny though? If they had a list of the top ten most terrifying penises, and number four was ‘Todd from Birmingham, Alabama.’”

Mike: (laughing) “Dammit, Todd! Put that away.”

Me: “Right? Come on, Todd.”

*************

Now I need to tell you about the latest thing I’ve found that brings me an enormous amount of joy — the kind of joy you only get from slippers shaped like giraffes.

I got an email from a gal representing a site called Bunny Slippers.com asking if I wanted to tell my readers about their product. Now, when I get emails like these from companies, 9.9 times out of 10 the answer to this question is NO. And with this particular company, I was skeptical because I’m not usually much of a slipper person. They make my feet sweat. But I clicked on the link to check out the site and OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD.

Those are stingray slippers.

Those are stingray slippers.

That's a platypus.

That’s a platypus.

And those are grizzly bear paws. Raar.

And those are grizzly bear paws. Rar.

They also have a ton of slippers for kids with themes like Star Wars, Looney Tunes, and other characters like Angry Birds, etc. (sizes go from newborns to 8-year-olds.)

I got to pick a pair of slippers to review. Dudes, I was like a kid in a candy store. It was agonizing to choose just one pair, but I went with my gut.

Some armadillo slippers for you, Meredith? Why yes, Meredith, that would be delightful.

Some armadillo slippers for you, Meredith? Why yes, Meredith, that would be delightful.

Hear are my thoughts: in terms of pure joy alone, you can’t do better than the absurd slippers they have at Bunny Slippers.com. The slippers themselves are like walking on pillows. Really. My foot sinks down inside those armadillos with every single step. It’s heaven — like your feet are being hugged by a dozen kittens.

On the negative side, I found the opening a teensy bit tight (I wish it was elastic rather than fixed), but I am also a gal with a “heftier” frame so that might play into that.

Overall rating: big thumbs up, because if you don’t enjoy slippers that look like ostriches, then I don’t know what makes you happy.

Author: Meredith Bland

Meredith likes to write the funny at her blog, Pile of Babies (http://www.pileofbabies.com).

7 Comments

  1. Never before have I retread one of your posts SO many times and then handed it off to my husband to read. Never. Just pure bliss. And tying in the slippers in the second half? Genius. I hope they appreciate how I will forever associate their slippers with penises. ‘You know, hon, the penis slippers!’ That’s me having an imaginary conversation with my man recollecting the Bunny Slipper folk.

    • Retread. Thanks autocorrect for knowing better than I. err, me.
      *reread.

      • Retread. Thanks autocorrect for knowing better than I. err, me.
        *reread.

        I also realize how sarcastic this all may sound. It’s not. I love his post. I’m just in full blown PMS mode and so I say things like, that’s hilarious. I’m dyin’. With a straight face. But there’s someone inside howling with delight. Promise :)

  2. Do you have any idea how funny you are?? Do You?? Cause I could hang with you for a long time and be amused. I dislike slippers for the same reason, my feet get too hot but now I want a collection of them TYVM.

    Also thanks for sharing conversations. I live vicariously thru you sometimes. :D

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