Me: Mike, you are not going to believe what happened when I was walking the dog this morning.
Mike: (in exaggerated horror) OH MY GOD, WHAT HAPPENED.
Me: Shut it. Ok, so you know how windy it was today?
Mike: Yeah. Super windy.
Me: Yeah, so I was walking Chewie and he went poop, which was awesome. Then I got out my little blue poop bag and picked it up because I am a good citizen.
Me: Right. So just as I was turning the bag inside out to contain the poop, a huge breeze came up and WHIPPED THE BAG RIGHT OUT OF MY HAND.
Mike: (in exaggerated horror, again) NO.
Me: YES. And because I am a good citizen I dragged Chewie down the street to chase after the bag, but when we reached it…THE BAG WAS EMPTY.
Mike: (in exaggerated horror, yet again) NO!!!
Me: YES!!! The poop was gone. GONE. I started looking around for it, and I couldn’t find it. I figured it must have landed on me somewhere because, you know, OF COURSE it would, but it didn’t. We walked up and down the stretch of road looking for the poop, and I swear to god it had completely disappeared.
Mike: You have the weirdest days.
Me: It’s a mystery! This is a tale I shall tell our children ’round the campfire. “And the poop was never heard from again…”
Me: “But m’am…the poop is coming from inside the house.”
Me: “When they got home, they found a bloody hook stuck in the car door…and some poop.”
Me: “Poop, I am your father.”
Me: I’m done now.