In honor of Netflix’s new original release, All Hail King Julien (premiered December 19th), we are going to learn about Lemurs today.
You are so very welcome.
I learned a lot about lemurs for today’s post. Some of it was disappointing, and some of it exceeded my wildest lemur dreams.
1. They are nocturnal.
Booooooooooooooooo. How can you be adorable and nocturnal? How are you going to prance for my pleasure when I go to bed at 9:30? Phooey, I say.
2. They don’t have claws, they have nails.
A lot of lemur sites make a big deal out of this, which means I should probably know the difference between “claws” and “nails.” I asked Google, and Google says the difference is in the shape and use: claws are sharp, pointy, and used for digging and slicing faces, whereas nails are flat and are used for opening boxes of laundry detergent.
3. Lemurs live most of their lives in trees.
I don’t trust any animal that can jump and/or crap on my head. Get on the ground and face me like a man.
4. They have bad vision and can’t see in color.
Big ol’ eyes, but can’t see shit. That’s sad.
5. Females have dominance over the male lemurs.
6. Their intimidating face is not so intimidating.
Lemurs are known to stare each other down with very wide eyes. The mouth is also wide open with the lips curved over the teeth. This is something they do when they are going to join forces to mob predators as well. It is a type of communication that is similar to warriors preparing for battle.
This type of staring expedition can also be taking place when there will be conflict within the family. It may be one on one or several members against one. It an also be a split group on each side for the family. If the staring continues either some Lemurs will turn away or the fight will become physical in nature.
Sounds like Thanksgiving at my house. Ba-dum-ching! But seriously, this is the face they use when they want to be scary:
That lemur wants a goddamn cupcake.
Unfortunately, “angry lemur” face also looks like “girl, no he did not” face, “I’ve always wanted a puppy” face, and “I think I left my debit card at Target” face. It’s not working for me.
7. They use scent glands on their wrists, genital regions, and necks to identify each other.
Everybody knows where Bob The Smelly Lemur has been sitting.
8. They are impressive eaters.
When food is plentiful the Lemurs will consume as much of it as they can. In fact, many species are known to consume so much that they double in weight before the dry season. This allows them to store up enough fat for them to be able to survive on very little food for the upcoming season that lies ahead.
Oh my god, you guys, I would be the best lemur.
9. They get mad when they’re hungry.
Lemurs are well known to fight among themselves. One of the major causes of conflict has to do with not enough food to go around. When that occurs the females high on the chain of command will consume first as will their offspring. Many of the males are then pushed out of the family or they leave on their own for food.
OH MY GOD, I WOULD BE THE BEST LEMUR.
10. If you’re waiting for a lemur to get in the mood, you’re going to be waiting a long time.
The mating season for lemurs is usually less than three weeks a year. Three weeks a year?! Holy cow. First of all, well done, lady lemurs. Second, you might want to consider couples counseling. I mean, I get that sometimes a gal just wants to read a book, but seriously…
Merry Christmas to the Christmas folks and happy holidays to everybody else!