My favorite thing on this earth besides Mallowmars…and my kids, who are a close second…is laughing. I love all of the funny people and the funny things they say. So when the pale and hilarious Jim Gaffigan wrote a parenting book, I said, “Sign. Me. The Fuck. Up.”
Gaffigan perfectly captures, in just a few sentences, many of the most ridiculous parts of parenting. Since the seller here is him, I thought I’d put in a few of my favorite quotes from the book:
On “cool” parents:
So parents who want to be considered cool, give it up. Even if you put your three-year-old in a fedora, we all know you are still getting barfed on and wiping noses and butts like the rest of us.
On kids learning how to walk:
What amazes me is that once they actually learn to walk, they are immediately trying to get away. You just say, “Time for a bath!” and they scoot away like they have an escape car outside. I don’t know where they think they are going. They can’t even reach the doorknob. I am always like, “What are you doing? You only know us! Think it through!”
On not knowing the answer:
Of corse, these never-ending questions require answers you are not qualified to give…When my son Jack was four, he pointed to a car antenna and said, “Look, Daddy, stick.” I clarified: “Actually, that is an antenna.” Jack then asked, “What’s an antenna?” After realizing I had no idea how an antenna worked, I explained, “It’s a…stick. A metal stick. You nailed it, buddy.”
On kids needing to use the bathroom:
…when a three-year-old tells you they need to use the bathroom, she does not mean in a couple of minutes. She means at that moment. Actually, before that moment. They always tell you at the last possible moment.
THREE-YEAR-OLD: I need to use the bathroom.
THREE-YEAR-OLD: Almost done.
See? Hilarious. In fact, there were only two downsides to this book for me. First, part of the joy of Jim Gaffigan is his delivery, which you obviously lose in the book. There are parts I didn’t laugh at that I thought I probably would have if I he were saying them. And second, there are a couple of moments where he talks about him and his wife’s decision to have five children and deliver them at home and ends up sounding a little defensive. No doubt that’s because he has to explain those decisions to people constantly, but it still took me out of the rhythm of the book a bit.
You don’t have to explain anything to us, Jim. Just do you. Talk to me more about why kids scream.
Rating: FOUR STARS
I received this book from the Blogging for Books program in exchange for my review. All views are my own.