Sometimes life is amazing. Sure, because of things like children, rainbows, and chocolate chip gelato. But also because every once in a while life taps you on the shoulder and says, “Hey. You’ve been having a rough month, so I got you a little something. I don’t mean to toot my own horn, but I think you’re really going to like it.” It’s when things like that happen that you get Christian Mingle, The Movie.
I swear I’ve never been more excited about anything in my whole life.
I learned about this gem while writing an article for Mommyish. I was on a Christian news site (because they have their own news, I guess) when I saw an ad on the right side that I could hardly believe was real.
That’s Lacey Chabert from Party of Five, and that’s a movie based on a Christian dating site. How are the reviews, you ask? The answer is, what the hell is wrong with you. I mean, the tagline for this movie is, “She went looking for Mr. Right…and found Him.” What more information could you possibly need before deciding that the one thing you need to accomplish this year is seeing this movie?
I’m buying it and bringing it to my mom’s house to watch with her and my sisters over Spring Break. Also, there might be drinks. And oh my God, I just realized there needs to be a Christian Mingle, The Movie drinking game. I promise I will make that happen. Would it be too much to take a shot every time someone says, “Jesus,” or “I have only one true love, and that’s Jesus” (two shots)? Hm…I’ll work on it.
So what would other dating site movies be like? Let’s take some real, honest-to-God dating sites and figure it out.
1. E-Harmony, The Movie
Would be an hour too long. Reviewers would call it, “overly earnest.”
2. Our Time (for singles over 50),The Movie
Cocoon 3 with more tongue kissing.
3. Farmers Only, The Movie
A mix of The Bridges of Madison County and Slingblade: romantic but grim, with an element of danger.
4. Date Hook Up, The Movie
That’s a porno.
5. Date A Golfer, The Movie
A screwball romantic comedy starring Bill Murray. Michael Jordan appears as your “Bagger Vance” magical negro.
6. Women Behind Bars, The Movie
A modern take on Caged Heat. I’m pretty sure Charlize Theron stars.
7. Positive Singles (for singles with STDs), The Movie
Will genital wart sufferer Fred Armison ever find his perfect match? When Kate Hudson contracts herpes from a one-night-stand, love and other communicable matter is in the air!
8. Vegan Dating Service, The Movie
This insufferable documentary includes lots of uncomfortable scenes in restaurants.
That would be so great. Any sites I’m missing that you think are worthy of a movie?