I have an outstanding group of friends. One particular bunch is a group of other moms of twins whom I have known since our kids were about three-months-old. When we get together, it’s like old war buddies meeting up for a beer. Except that for us, since our kids are only five, the war isn’t exactly over yet — we’re just in the “winning hearts and minds” phase. (Psst…it’s not going well.)
These awesome women and I went out the other night and were laughing about how uninteresting our lives are, and how The Real Housewives franchise would never have us. And then my friend Helena said, “We could be the Real Housewives of PBS.”
Oh my god. OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD. It was like the world stopped, and all I could think was:
“I must paint you.”
So please enjoy my episode guide to the new series, The Real Housewives of PBS.
- Episode One: The Housewives struggle with the issue of cheating, when they discover that one of them has never donated to any of NPR’s pledge drives.
- Episodes Two and Three: Barbara’s jealousy over Maria’s chicken coop, which she built with recycled wood from an old one-room schoolhouse, boils over in a very special two part episode.
- Episode Four: While at a PTA meeting, Laura learns that her fellow room parent is also pro-gun control…but only when it comes to magazine size. Will they be able to run the fall bake sale together, or will it all fall apart?
- Episode Five: A new Housewife moves into the neighborhood, but clashes instantly with the others when she admits that she only knows Hugh Laurie from the TV show “House” and has never listened to any of his blues albums.
- Episode Six: Courtney learns a lesson in humility after she bakes cupcakes for a Baha’i holiday, but then mispronounces “the Ascension of Bahá’u'lláh.”
- Episode Seven: Barbara’s husband Dale starts a fashion line consisting entirely of cargo shorts called “Retro Fetish.” Johnny Depp makes an unexpected guest appearance to promote his “Esoteric” line of hats.
- Episode Eight: During her women’s rock climbing and meditation group’s annual retreat, Sarah learns that she is not the only Housewife writing Downton Abbey fan fiction.
- Season Finale: While at the vet for a chemotherapy appointment for her 15-year-old, three-legged, blind dog Atticus, Jenny starts to wonder if her polyamorous, not legally binding, living in separate homes marriage might actually be a sham.