I hate summer.
Hate hate hate it.
I have hated it for as long as I can remember for two reasons: first, I hate small clothes. And, I must add, the feeling is reciprocated. Second, I hate heat and humidity. In my opinion, it is way preferable to be freezing cold, when all I have to do is put on layers and jog in place to warm myself up, than to experience the kind of heat I did years ago during my one and only visit to Key West, Florida. That’s the kind of heat where you walk outside and soak through your clothes before the door has fully closed behind you. In that kind of heat, there are only so many layers you can take off before you are just sitting there sad and miserable in your own damp.
So you can imagine how shocked I am by the fact that I am LOVING this summer. LOVING. IT. Now, have we had any temperatures above 71 degrees so far? No, because Seattle is the finest city on the planet. Have my kids been out of school for less than two weeks? Why, yes…why do you ask?
But I am putting my cynicism aside for a bit and enjoying the hell out of how relaxing it is not to have my kids in school. If I heard myself say that sentence in August, right before my kids started full-day kindergarten, I would have turned the pointy side of my ring around and slapped myself across the face. I had NO IDEA how stressful it would be to keep kids moving through a school year. Not to mention that I had twins who were in separate classes and therefore had two different sets of expectations, schedules, and projects. There was a whole lot of, “Oh shit! Today is wacky hair day AND we were supposed to bring our library books?! FUUUUUUUUUUCK.”
So far I am finding the lack of schedules and lunches and share days way more relaxing than I ever could have dreamed. We have been having a blast so far…except for the part where two kids who have not spent all of their time together for nine months suddenly start spending all of their time together and discover that they cannot wait to learn all new ways to kill each other now that they have been reunited.
Also, I am already plotting a fire-filled act of vengeance against that goddamn ice cream truck that seems to follow us everywhere we go. Only a week into summer and it’s already got me saying “oh shit” when I hear it coming. Just you wait till the end of summer, Ice Cream Man. First I am going put you at a table with a dozen of those horrible spider man cones. Then, I will take away all of your napkins and wet wipes. Then, I will remove all of the ice cream sandwiches from your truck and put them in a cooler…as hostages, of course. THEN, I will set your truck on fire.
But till that time, this summer is going to be filled with some happy happy kick-ass times. Until, of course, we reach mid-August, when I will be handing my kids the remote and going back to bed.