Over the weekend, Mike, the kids and I drove down to his parent’s house in Chehalis. On the way down, we made a stop at McDonald’s for a couple of cheeseburgers and some low self-esteem. As we were leaving, I saw a large plastic horse in front of a tack shop dressed in a get-up that looked like this:
I said, “That horse looks like a serial killer.”
Mike looked over and said, “Yeesh. You don’t want to see that at your door on a rainy night.”
No, indeed. I was mystified by this surprisingly complete outfit. I had never seen anything like that before on a horse who wasn’t holding a scythe to my throat, so I did a little research. Was it a rain coat? Do horses need rain coats? Was the horse very badly burned as a child?
Well, it turns out that those are called “fly sheets.” They are meant to keep flies off your horse. Don’t flies go with the territory when you’re a horse? There are probably some old horses out there looking at this and going, “Damn kids. When I was a pony you had flies going in your eyes, your ears, and your butt hole, and god damn it you liked it. Neigh.”
I also have to assume that horses can see through these things, or it seems like you are just adding to your problem by having a bunch of blind horses stumbling around. They might step on a bale of corn, or One-Eyed Pete, the barn skunk. (I haven’t spent a lot of time on farms, by the way.)
I looked around a bit to see what other fly sheet fashion is available. Here is what I found:
Just in case you think wearing all of this doesn’t bother horses, I know a certain gentleman who would beg to differ.
I get what you’re trying to do here with the eye part, but now it just looks a little costumey. (Did I mention that the new season of Project Runway has started? Well, apparently no one told spellcheck because it’s got “costumey” underlined like it’s not a real word or something.)
Now I believe we have crossed some sort of a line where animal welfare needs to get involved. And right behind them, the SWAT team. Because no normal person dresses up their horses like a trio of eyeless zebras. On the other hand, maybe this is what horses look like when they wear hoodies. Pull up your hoods, horses! You can’t see anything!
THIS, however, I can get behind.