Three terrible business ideas, and a brief recap of Blogher 2014

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While I was away at the Blogher conference last weekend, I had a lot of time to think. And during that thinking, I came up with three terrible business ideas. So terrible, they might just work! Or not at all. Just hear me out.

1. Boat-Based Daycare

Ahoy, matie! Kids get to enjoy the wonders of the sea aboard Davy Jones’ Daycare! With a fine mesh netting to protect the wee ones from stumbling off the side to their watery deaths*, your children will enjoy running in circle for hours while musing about sailing off the end of the earth.

*Lifejackets are extra.

2. Cemetery Vegetable Garden

Because we are taking up a whole lot of land that has got to be chock-full of nutrients by now.

3. Gran and Gramp’s Taxi Service

When you aren’t in a rush and like to stay alert during your trips to the airport. While going 45 MPH down the highway, enjoy discussions about:

  • That new road.
  • The latest disease.
  • Your driver’s gay grandson.
  • That new building.
  • Why you are going where you are going and what you plan to do while you’re there. It might also be helpful to make note of how much you spent on your airline ticket.

I’ll be accepting seed money via Paypal. Thanks for your support.

****

Last week I went to Blogher’s 10th annual conference in San Jose, California. This is the second year in a row I’ve gone, because I always get to meet awesome people that I have never met in person. This year I got to meet Maria, Emily, Linda, Jaime, Katia, and a bajillion other lovely people. I also got to have my twin sister go with me so we could celebrate our birthday together on vacation, which was a blast. She is quite the mythical creature, my sister.  I don’t know anyone else who can talk about how full they are from their salmon dinner and then disassociate and eat an entire piece of chocolate cake in what professionals call a “fugue state.” I am not even a little kidding, people: one minute there was a piece of cake, then next minute — and I mean I didn’t even see her fork move to her plate, we were having a conversation, and we maintained eye contact — the cake was gone. That’s a weird kind of magic.

Screen Shot 2014-07-30 at 2.30.01 PM

Me and Piper. Super buds. In secret though. (image courtesy of Norbert Von Der Groeben Photography)

Piper Kerman and me 2014 This year’s Blogher had a few super special experiences for me. First of all, as a member of Netflix’s Stream Team, I got to go to their headquarters! Netflix is housed in a large, tan hacienda that smells like popcorn. All of their conference rooms are named after movies, so you can have a 10am in the Sex and the City room, followed by a lunch in the Kill Bill room, and then end the day with a brainstorming session in the Zombies Versus Strippers room. (I’m pretty sure I’m kidding about that last one, but I didn’t see all of the conference rooms so I can’t say that for sure.)

I got to hear some Netflix honchos talk about where they’ve been and where they’re going, and I got to listen to Piper Kerman of Orange is The New Black fame speak about her life. Then I got a picture taken with her. It was slightly above kick ass.

Thanks to the awesome Linda Roy (www.elleroywashere.com) for the photo!

THAT’S ME!! Thanks to the awesome Linda Roy (www.elleroywashere.com) for the photo!

Then, the next day, I had one of the most awesome experiences of my life when I got to read my post Nine Awesome Things About Having a Physical Disability in front of hundreds of people at the annual Voices of the Year celebration. It is a huge honor to get picked to read, and I was psyched. That said, I was also freaking terrified. In fact, I was super nervous all day…right up until I got up on that stage and started speaking. The room was so welcoming, and I am such a ham, that the second I started talking and people started laughing, I felt as cool as ice…VANILLA ice. Wink wink.

Being up there, reading my words, and listening to people laugh at something I wrote — no kidding, it was one of the best experiences of my life. Thanks to Blogher for getting me there, and thanks to the people who were in the crowd for giving me the biggest high I’ve ever had without needing to eat chips afterwards.

Now, it’s back to just me and my audience of dog. He’s a much tougher crowd.

Author: admin

Meredith likes to write the funny at her blog, Pile of Babies (http://www.pileofbabies.com).

8 Comments

  1. YAAAY you!
    When I Blink (MLP) recently posted..How to Entertain Your MoversMy Profile

  2. You deserve it!!!

  3. Blogging superstar. Can I say that I knew you back when?
    Jeff recently posted..Tonsillectomy: The lies they tell you at a children’s hospitalMy Profile

  4. Your reading was awesome. Great job!
    Leigh Ann recently posted..sick stories, AKA let’s make sure kids #GoBackHealthyMy Profile

  5. Congrats on your reading!

    Also, I think you are really onto something with idea number 2. It’s time we get cemeteries working for us!
    Vikki recently posted..Cooking Shows Are Destroying My FamilyMy Profile

  6. Leí su artículo sobre la experiencia de parir en el Huffigton Post en español. Me quedo impresionada de darme cuenta cuánto conocimiento se ha perdido. Me sorprende que te hayan sorprendido varios aspectos del parto, particularmente ahora que contamos con información a la mano. Me parece que el curso al que asististe era bastante malo, ¿ni siquiera te recomendaron prepararte los pezones? Por otra parte, esas cosas son conocimiento que se trasmite oralmente, con otras madres. Me impresiona que se este perdiendo esa forma de comunicación generacional entre mujeres. Suerte en el próximo, ahora sí no te sorprenderán.

    • For those of you who do not speak Spanish, Google Translate tells me that this commenter is basically saying, “You are an idiot. Good luck with your idiot life. The end.”

      That’s my loose translation, anyway.

      Also there’s something in there about “preparing my nipples,” so I’m pretty sure Maria is hitting on me. RAR.

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