While I was away at the Blogher conference last weekend, I had a lot of time to think. And during that thinking, I came up with three terrible business ideas. So terrible, they might just work! Or not at all. Just hear me out.
1. Boat-Based Daycare
Ahoy, matie! Kids get to enjoy the wonders of the sea aboard Davy Jones’ Daycare! With a fine mesh netting to protect the wee ones from stumbling off the side to their watery deaths*, your children will enjoy running in circle for hours while musing about sailing off the end of the earth.
*Lifejackets are extra.
2. Cemetery Vegetable Garden
Because we are taking up a whole lot of land that has got to be chock-full of nutrients by now.
3. Gran and Gramp’s Taxi Service
When you aren’t in a rush and like to stay alert during your trips to the airport. While going 45 MPH down the highway, enjoy discussions about:
- That new road.
- The latest disease.
- Your driver’s gay grandson.
- That new building.
- Why you are going where you are going and what you plan to do while you’re there. It might also be helpful to make note of how much you spent on your airline ticket.
I’ll be accepting seed money via Paypal. Thanks for your support.
Last week I went to Blogher’s 10th annual conference in San Jose, California. This is the second year in a row I’ve gone, because I always get to meet awesome people that I have never met in person. This year I got to meet Maria, Emily, Linda, Jaime, Katia, and a bajillion other lovely people. I also got to have my twin sister go with me so we could celebrate our birthday together on vacation, which was a blast. She is quite the mythical creature, my sister. I don’t know anyone else who can talk about how full they are from their salmon dinner and then disassociate and eat an entire piece of chocolate cake in what professionals call a “fugue state.” I am not even a little kidding, people: one minute there was a piece of cake, then next minute — and I mean I didn’t even see her fork move to her plate, we were having a conversation, and we maintained eye contact — the cake was gone. That’s a weird kind of magic.
This year’s Blogher had a few super special experiences for me. First of all, as a member of Netflix’s Stream Team, I got to go to their headquarters! Netflix is housed in a large, tan hacienda that smells like popcorn. All of their conference rooms are named after movies, so you can have a 10am in the Sex and the City room, followed by a lunch in the Kill Bill room, and then end the day with a brainstorming session in the Zombies Versus Strippers room. (I’m pretty sure I’m kidding about that last one, but I didn’t see all of the conference rooms so I can’t say that for sure.)
I got to hear some Netflix honchos talk about where they’ve been and where they’re going, and I got to listen to Piper Kerman of Orange is The New Black fame speak about her life. Then I got a picture taken with her. It was slightly above kick ass.
Then, the next day, I had one of the most awesome experiences of my life when I got to read my post Nine Awesome Things About Having a Physical Disability in front of hundreds of people at the annual Voices of the Year celebration. It is a huge honor to get picked to read, and I was psyched. That said, I was also freaking terrified. In fact, I was super nervous all day…right up until I got up on that stage and started speaking. The room was so welcoming, and I am such a ham, that the second I started talking and people started laughing, I felt as cool as ice…VANILLA ice. Wink wink.
Being up there, reading my words, and listening to people laugh at something I wrote — no kidding, it was one of the best experiences of my life. Thanks to Blogher for getting me there, and thanks to the people who were in the crowd for giving me the biggest high I’ve ever had without needing to eat chips afterwards.
Now, it’s back to just me and my audience of dog. He’s a much tougher crowd.