Three truths and a lie about having twins

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It’s time to play Three Truths and a Lie — the icebreaker that almost always ends up being about drugs and sex if you’re doing it right.

——-

Party-Goer Who Doesn’t Get It: “Okay okay okay, here they are: One, I’ve been to Costa Rica. Two, I once stayed up till 2am reading a book. Three, my mother’s name is Harriet. Four, I got straight A’s in Spanish in high school. Ok. Which one is the lie?!”

(silence)

Other Party-Goers: “Boooooooooo.”

“Didn’t you ever do it with a black guy or anything? Jesus.”

“You suck!”

——-

This version has neither sex nor drugs in it, however, because we are talking about having twins. And when you have twins, there is very little sex and not enough drugs.

Let’s get started.

1. It is harder to have two babies than one baby, even if that one baby is horrible.

THIS IS TRUE: Now, don’t get me wrong — I am not trying to start the “Whose Life Sucks More” game. I know how awful just one baby can be. My daughter (bless her heart) had colic and acid reflux for the first few months of her life; this meant that she was constantly either crying or vomiting, and that sucked royally. But then I still had a whole other baby to take care of. A SECOND BABY, PEOPLE. In addition to the first one! It was the worst time of my life, and that was even with a supportive husband and a mother and a mother-in-law who occasionally helped out!

I guess what I’m saying is, if you run into a single parent of twins, buy them something — a cup of coffee, a box of wine, anything — and then get down on your knees and start singing “The Wind Beneath my Wings.” Because they are heroes. And everything I wish I could be. Except for the single parent of twins part.

2. Having two children close together in age is NOT the same as having twins.

THIS IS TRUE: It’s worse.

“What? But you just said –” I know I did. Hear me out.

Yes, the first year as a parent of multiples is the top layer of a shit cake. But after that? We are COASTING, y’all. When that first year is over, it’s over. We don’t have to go through the newborn stage a second time (unless we have more children, but honest to pete people I don’t know why we’d do that.) They are at the same developmental stage, and when they get through a particularly awful phase (like, say, smearing poop on the walls) then that phase is done and gone. We can hold them to the same general expectations. When they go to school, they are both gone.

That is the beauty part of having twins. Once you get to year two or three, it’s like being on the brink of bankruptcy and then getting mentioned in the will of a rich relative you didn’t know you had, or finding out that your workplace nemesis has been transferred to another department. High fives all around, everybody! We made it!

So my hat is off to the all the moms who have children of different ages. If I dropped my kids off at school, and then turned around and saw a toddler waiting for me, I would cry a million salty tears.

3. There is always a good twin and an evil twin in every pair.

THIS IS TRUE: It just switches every half hour.

 

Look how well they get along! Image via ugo.com

Look how well they get along! Image via ugo.com

4. They are natural companions! Friends for life! They can play together! THEY’LL BE BEST FRIENDS!

THIS IS A LIE:  Oh yeah! Best buds! Just like good old Cain and Abel, or those two girls in The Shining.

Let me tell you how well my kids play together: not enough. There are pretty blissful 15-20 minute periods of time where they are happily immersed in whatever strange Superheroes versus My Little Pony game they’ve put together. And I am incredibly grateful for those times, because if I had to be the sole source of entertainment for a child I would suck harder at it than that “Mr. Thirsty” straw they stick in your mouth to suck up all your pooling saliva when you’re at the dentist.

HOWEVER, just because they are twins does not mean that they are always going to get along. If anything, they like to needle each other to death. Just yesterday, I had to stop in the middle of private bathroom time to break up a fight because my daughter was trying to play tag with the cat and my son was yelling at her to stop. But she wouldn’t. Because 1) she thought it was funny, and 2) it was aggravating her brother = TOTAL WIN (except for the cat, who was the loser.)

In fact, my twins will often choose opposite things just to be assholes. I’ll say, “So guys, do you want to go to this park or that park?” There will be silence, while they wait each other out to see who will break first. Then one of them will choose this park. Immediately, the other one will choose that park. And then they will fight about it. It’s fantastic, and makes me wonder if perhaps I am being too permissible by giving my children “choices” and letting them have “opinions.”

It’s true, parenting twins takes a lot of mediation and negotiation. It’s a great skill-builder, though. If they had put me in that papal conclave I would have had that thing wrapped up before I counted to ten.

——–

Having twins is completely exhausting, frustrating, hilarious, and wonderful. And I wouldn’t have it any other way. I will say, though, that to this day when I see someone with newborn twins, it makes me want to go home and make my own “It Gets Better” PSA. Because you know what? As hard as it is in the beginning, there really is nothing better than having two sets of arms hugging you, twice the kisses, and more “I love you’s” than you can count.

No really, you can’t count them. These children never stop talking.

Author: admin

Meredith likes to write the funny at her blog, Pile of Babies (http://www.pileofbabies.com).

27 Comments

  1. I came over from The Blogess…and I really, really like you blog:) You’re hilarious.

  2. I have one, she’s not tough, but I don’t want anymore. I give you and other women I know with multiples mad props.
    Tahlia B. recently posted..Milani M.V.P. (Most Valuable Product) GiveawayMy Profile

  3. A friend of ours has TWO sets of twins. Seriously, TWO sets! Fraternal girls, age 6, and identical boys, age 3.
    After going to her house, I was practically terrified to try and conceive, and when we did my husband and I literally high-fived after the initial exam revealed a single baby.
    Twins are special and adorable but so much more work initially!
    Just Call Me Jo recently posted..My BabyMy Profile

  4. Shame I found your blog so late; I would be less sad and laughed harder in the past! :) Having twins was always a kind of my “dream” (however silly it sounds!) when I was younger but my life had a different road for me and now I am an aunt to two (not twins). I guess its like you said – twice as many problems but twice as many kisses…:)
    Alexandra recently posted..An amazing app – Kids’ Vocab from MindSnacksMy Profile

  5. Crying with laughter! Which is so much better than just crying, as I did much of the first year of my twins existence. And second, to be honest. I actually do send out “It Gets Better” emails to people I know with twins on the way but I think I just end up freaking them out! And two sets of twins!!! Holy crap, no penis was ever coming near me again without the possibility of conception eradicated completely. No way, never, we are SO done…

  6. Amazing! I could not have put the pain and joy of having twins in words so well. Being a father of twins and not knowing anything different nor willing to ever know having more. I think you hit the nail on the head.

  7. I laughed so hard when I read this! Especially the part about the “best friends” thing! I have 15 year old twin boys. I have asked them so many times over the years when the best friends thing will kick in! It is so true about giving them a choice-even now!!! If we are out and about I will ask them if they want to go to McDonalds/Burger King, etc. They will ALWAYS choose different options- even if the one the other one chooses is the restaurant they would normally choose! I will say that now that they are teenagers I get nervous if they are getting along a little TOO well if you know what I mean- kind of like they are colluding about something they don’t want us to know…..

  8. I have 6 year old twin boys and they are opposite in every single way. The fighting and bickering and tattling is insane! And it’s so true about the choice thing. One waits for the other to decide and then the first one picks the other thing. It melts my heart though when those rare occasions happen when one walks up to the other and gives him a hug and says “i love you brother”…makes it all worth it

  9. Pingback: First things first… | Plus Size +2

  10. As single mother of twins…………..no one understands the bitter side of being a parent of multiples…….I love my twins …but they drive me crazy but with this article makes me feel that much better lol

  11. I am a mom of 4 year old twins, a boy and girl. I read this and read sections to my husband, as your story is so similar to how my life is. I laughed so hard reading this, and it made me feel better also. Thanks for sharing!

  12. I found your blog from a post on facebook – it is GREAT! I have “virtual twins”. Even though I didn’t birth both, my biological daughter and adopted son are less than a month apart in age. They have been together since they were 14 months old, and it has been crazy and wonderful all at once! Now they are about to turn 8 and so much of what you say rings true. We get asked all the time if they “love each other so much” and while I can say that they play well together MOSt days, they are also boy/girl virtual twins with different interest. So no – they don’t love each other so much. She plays My Little Pony and he comes in and destroys them with his Ninjago.

  13. I’m the mom of twins (boy and girl, just turned 2 and another little boy- just turned 4) and there are moments when I think this couldn’t get any worse. Then I read your blog and it helps. I literally cry with happiness knowing someone else is going through the same thing as me- sorry about that. But thanks! Sometime I feel really lucky that I made it this far! And then my kids bring me back to reality.

  14. Having twins in 2mos, found out at 20 weeks. I’ve been crying in my cheerios for 8 weeks….thank you thank you thank you! I need this. You’re amazing.

  15. I never comment on blogs but am moved by a passion only twin mums can feel.
    I have twins. Both girls.
    Their first year was undoubtedly the worst year of my life. They are 2.5 now. They are the greatest. They fight, they play, they follow each other, they go away from each other, but best of all, every morning they chat and sing to each other so they we never need to get them up before 830 and sometimes it’s 930am….
    More twins stories please!

    • Oh Sophie. I so understand. I always tell people that the first year was the worst of my life, too.
      I’ll try to get some more twin stories up here, sometime!
      Hang in there!

  16. I loved this! My boy & girl twins are almost 7 months old! I’m with you, who would have more kids after this? Lol! My son didn’t nap for longer than 30 minutes until he was 1 years old. He has cried over every little thing since he was born & still does. He takes toys away from his sister all day & then she bites him. I’m having a particularly hard day & for some reason this made me smile. Thank u! I feel like I can take myself out of time out now. :)

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