Tipsy Lit, a retraction, and a call for submissions.

| 5 Comments

Hello!

For today’s post, I am lucky enough to be a guest poster over at Tipsy Lit! They are doing a series of posts on parenting, and I got to write a post on parenting humor. So click on THIS LINK HERE and check it out!

tipsy lit parenting week

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I need to post a retraction concerning my recent post about my broken dishwasher. In that post, I foolishly stated that I believed my dishwasher was broken beyond compare. I also even more foolishly implied that my husband was not going to be able to fix it and that we would have to buy a new dishwasher.

Well, shame on me.

For the cost of a $69 part, my husband has fixed our ten-year-old dishwasher. It works like a dream now, and my husband has once again proven himself to be a master of all things handy and electronic. He is a genius among men and I should never have doubted him.

For shame, Mrs. Bland. For shame, for shame. SHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAME.

Dishwasher 1

***

Last year I started working on a book. Then I stopped. Now I’d like to start again.

That’s where you come in.

The book is about the funny, ridiculous things that kids say: the earnest, nonsensical, hilarious words that come out of their wee little mouths. I want to hear your stories — ideally, these will be short quotes. They can be as short as a sentence or as long as a wee-ish paragraph. I may edit for length if they are longer and I plan to use them. I will not be using every submission. If your submission were to be used, you would be credited by your first name after the quote and then — if you wished — in the back as a contributor with blog names, etc. Also, there is no payment to contributors. And also, this book may never see the light of day so you need to be cool with that.

All in all, I really don’t know what’s in it for you. But it could be a lot of fun. (There’s a reason I’m not in sales.)

These are the topics I’m looking for stories for:

1. Body parts and the things we do with them.

  • Potty
  • Sex
  • Pregnancy

2. There’s been a misunderstanding…for those times when they’ve gotten the point all wrong.

3. All those sins: drinking, smoking, lies, etc.

4. General Strangeness: you’re adorable, but I have no idea what you’re talking about.

5. Convoluted Conversations: we started out at A, and ended up at -8.

6. Imagination: The crazy things they come up with in bizzarro-land.

7. Teaching Parents Lessons — because who understands how life works better than your four-year-old.

  • Parents are annoying
  • I am not impressed
  • Lessons Not Listened To

8. Fights — the things they say.

9. Growing up/getting older.

10. Big Issues: race, sex, religion, death, money, marriage…you name it.

11. Words and/or swearing: I do not think that means what you think it means.

12. Wise-ish Words: From the mouths of babes come some profound things…sometimes.

 

THANK YOU!

 

 

 

Author: Meredith Bland

Meredith likes to write the funny at her blog, Pile of Babies (http://www.pileofbabies.com).

5 Comments

  1. My son, age four, told someone to “go f*ck your goat!” after I told someone to do the same to himself. I’ve got a lot more like that, such as the time (and story behind it) when I told my son, “take the kitten out of your pants” or when I mentioned I wanted a tat on my lower back and my daughter said, “And it can say ‘kiss this.’ ” Want them emailed or posted here in the comments?

  2. The other day my 3yr old son walked into the kitchen and said, “Arrrr me matey, let’s sail the crunchy seas!” I tried to explain it was seven seas but his eyes glazed over and he ran off to find someone else to play with.

  3. I love your book idea, Meredith, and how you’ve categorized the topics! I’ll go over my “files” to seek some quotes for you.

    I’m heading over to read your post on Tipsy Lit! This is exciting, I’m being featured on Friday with something totally non-humorous! OK maybe a little bit! :-)

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