My son lost his second tooth the other night. This was a big deal for him, since his money-hungry sister yanked six teeth out of her mouth in a matter of months. When the boy’s first tooth fell out, we celebrated. The Tooth Fairy came to him for the very first time, and there was much rejoicing in the land.
Then he lost his second one, and there was slightly more restrained rejoicing, and the Tooth Fairy totally almost blew it.
This isn’t the first time that this mediocre Tooth Fairy (who is clearly not devoted to her craft) has screwed it up. She completely forgot to come once for my daughter, who woke up one morning crying because the Tooth Fairy apparently couldn’t be bothered to show up for her. Shamed, the Tooth Fairy returned the second night with the girl’s money, and a note. In the note she apologized for missing the night before, but explained that she had had an awful cold that night and had to stay in bed.
Honestly, people. If you can’t rely on the Tooth Fairy to show up, who can you count on? Maybe next year Santa will leave an awkward message on Christmas Eve saying he’s super sorry be he won’t be there that night because he has a “thing.”
So when my son woke up at 4am the other night (because my children like to keep my husband and I alert, aware, and constantly ready for action, not unlike the Navy Seals in boot camp) and began weeping because his tooth was still there, my daughter suggested that perhaps the Tooth Fairy had caught another cold.
I — I mean…the Tooth Fairy — am the worst.
Feeling appropriately guilty, Tooth Fairy Von Sucky Horrible stayed up until 5:15, when she was sure both kids had gone back to sleep, and then crept into the boy’s room and replaced his tooth with money. With a sigh of relief, she began creeping back out when the girl woke up and started trying to have a conversation with the Tooth Fairy from her bedroom next door. The Tooth Fairy panicked and may have urgently shushed the girl in the name of magic. But it worked out, and the boy was thrilled and relieved to see that the Tooth Fairy — at the crack of dawn — had managed to get her shit together for him.
I’ve accepted that this is totally going to be a topic in therapy. They’re going to talk about how the Tooth Fairy sometimes wouldn’t come on time and made them feel like their teeth weren’t special which when looked at from a Freudian point of view means that there was a lack of importance placed on the loss of their youth which led to them never knowing what love really is and possibly a heroin addiction.
How many teeth do kids lose, again?